Life Of A Teenage Heiress
by Raisins-and-Kleenex
Summary: Three months after finding out who her real parents were, Diana has come to loathe Fowl Manor. But when a tragic accident forces her ex-sister Anteros to live with them, things could get a little more interesting... Sequel to "Daughter of a Legend"
1. Good Morning, Ireland

Beepbeepbeepbeep

_Beepbeepbeepbeep_. _Beepbeepbeepbeep_. _Beepbeepbe--_

Di groaned. Stupid alarm clock. She rolled over, staring angrily at the white rectangle that was the cause of her early morning aggravation.

Ugh. 7:30. What normal human being woke up at 7:30 on a Saturday?

Oh yeah. Her parents.

She lay in bed for a few minutes, figuring sge could catch a few more hours of sleep.

_Beepbeepbeepbeep. Beepbeepbeepbeep_.

"Argh!" Di threw the annoying rectangle against the wall, where it bounced against the wood paneling and fell into the pile of dirty clothes Artemis kept telling her to pick up. Well, not _telling_, exactly. More like looking pointedly at the clothes, then at her. The "That Has No Logical Purpose" stare.

'_No purpose'_ she thought. _Except that I get to sleep later_. The annoying beep was muffled by the clothes. Grinning triumphantly, she rolled over again and snuggled into the blankets.

There was a knock on her door. "Miss Diana? Your mother has asked me to wake you up."

"Go'way Butler," Di groaned into her pillow.

"I was to threaten you with physical removal from the bed if you didn't want to come peacefully."

If Diana had learned anything in her three month stay at Fowl Manor, it was that if Butler was threatening you, you had better listen.

"Go away. I'm getting dressed." She swung her legs out of bed, rubbing her eyes sleepily. She stifled a yawn, and glanced at the door to make Butler wasn't still watching before she dragged her t-shirt over her head. Grimacing at the 'tasteful' clothing that Minerva had picked out for her, she selected a red blouse – one of the only ones without a collar – and a pair of black slacks. Then she trudged downstairs.

Artemis and Minerva were seated in the Breakfast Hall (as opposed to the Dining Hall, the Lunch Hall, and the Elegant Dinner Hall) sipping coffee (in Minerva's case) and tea (Artemis) and reading newspapers. One of the maids was in the adjacent kitchen, making breakfast. It smelled like oatmeal.

Ew.

Trudging past her parents to the kitchen, she discovered that today's breakfast was, in fact, oatmeal, and therefore she must find something else to eat or die of internal hemorrhaging. Artemis said this fact didn't make any sense, but she said she'd never try oatmeal so she guessed he'd never find out. He would humph, and leave her to her cereal. Speaking of which…

"Hey Mom, what'd you do with my cereal?" She asked Minerva, poking her head out the doorway.

Minerva sighed disapprovingly. "I threw it out."

"Why?"

"It was two weeks expired! Why can't you just eat oatmeal with the rest of the family?"

"Because I don't like eating watered down flakes of cardboard."

"Well then, I'm sorry but you're just going to have to suffer."

"I think I'll pass."

Without looking up from his newspaper, Artemis said "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. If you skip it now, you'll become tired more easily and not have the energy to do all the things you normally like to do on a Saturday." With a sniff to tell her just what he thought of what she liked to do on a Saturday – generally playing video games or shopping – he ruffled his newspaper and ignored the rest of the world again.

She sat down across from her parents and started picking at one of the oranges sitting in the decorative basket on the table. Di attempted to take the entire rind off in one piece, and when that failed, to make a smiley face out of missing rind. She was just about to finish the nose when Minerva said, "Diana, I'd like to talk about your grades."

Picking the last little bit of orange out of the circle, she then started on the mouth. "What about them?"

"Well, you seem to be having a bit of trouble in school."

Drat. She'd slipped with her finger, and the nail and carved off a chunk farther down than she had wanted. "I've got A's and B's, Mom. I'm not having trouble."

"That's it, though. B's. Is there something bothering you, is the teacher not right…"

She'd just have to compensate with pulling off rind from the other side of the smile. "No, everything's fine. I'm just not that great at literature."

Minerva sighed. "I just don't understand why not. It's the easiest thing in the world!"

Damn. Now the smile leered drunkenly off the face of the orange. "Maybe for you, but not for me."

"Well, why not?"

Intrigued by the…difference… of her orange's smile, Di started working on two vampire fangs. "I dunno. I just don't see where my Lit teacher gets off saying that _A Separate Peace_ is supposed to represent World War II. It's just two dudes that go to a boarding school."

"The author used World War II to create the semblance of peace within the school, while really it's just as dangerous in there as it is in the world."

Fangs abandoned, she started ripping off random chunks of rind. "Whatev."

Artemis could take the strain no longer. "Diana, 'whatev' is not a word. Neither is 'dunno'. While 'dudes' may be accepted in the dictionary, it is not used in conversation here. Please refrain from using slang around this house."

The smiley face had deteriorated into a ripped up orange. Di stood up from the table, thinking _If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all._ She left the house, and walked out to the kennels.

Before she could open the door, a shaggy ball of energy bounced out at her, wagging it's tail furiously. Thumper was a pure-bred Belgian Tervuren, something I hadn't even known existed until he showed up in a dog crate at the front door. He looked like a collie, only he was black on his front, which faded into brown all over. Following him, a little more stately, was Maxwell, a Komondor. That's the breed that looks like it got covered with a dust mop – all his hair is gathered into cords that hang off his body. Minerva bought them both for me when I made a crack about how dull the house was. Artemis's only stipulations had been that they were not allowed in the house, and that we hired a trainer for both of them. Thumper had gotten the hang of the training right away, while Maxie was still working on it.

Grabbing the split leash, I snapped it onto their collars. Even though Jenny was paid to walk them, I still liked to do it as an excuse to get out of the house. And the fact that it was morning meant they would want a really long walk, meaning more time out of the house for me.

After about 45 minutes of being dragged around the streets of Dublin by a hyperactive, one-year-old puppy and a three-year-old mop, I decided to turn back.

Butler was waiting for me at the gate. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."


	2. Everything Sucks

Disclaimer : Fortunately, I am not a movie corporation with dusty files labled "Artemis Fowl Movie". Therefore, I do not own the rights to Artemis Fowl.

This is the spot where I'd put answers to reviews, except... I don't have any! Let's fix that problem, shall we? I'm going to put the next chapter up at... five reviews. Which I'd say was pretty kind. Please.

* * *

"Your mother is dead."

At first I thought he meant Minerva. I nearly crowed with jo—I mean, I nearly started sobbing. But then I saw Minerva crying prettily into a handkerchief through the window in the Breakfast Hall.

Damn.

But that left…

My breath caught in my throat. I dropped the leash and hurtled through the mansion, just barely missing a few tables with expensive vases on them. Finally I found Artemis – well, if "to find" means "to run into while turning a corner".

"What happened," I demanded angrily.

"Maria was crossing an intersection when a car sped through the red light, hitting your mother and killing her instantly. When police caught up with the driver three miles later, they found he was well above the drunk driving limit. He's been imprisoned and charged with driving under the influence and accidental manslaughter." Artemis always had a way with remaining calm. I would be angry for his impassionate speech, except I could see a small tear gathering in the corner of his eye. "Your adoptive mother was a great woman, Diana." He hugged me (is this really my father, Artemis Fowl the Second?) and continued on his way. I just stood there.

_Yeah, a great woman_, I thought. _If you didn't mind a total lack of fashion sense, insane giggling, and a different boyfriend every two months because none of them were Mr. Right_. I know it sounds bad, me bad-mouthing a woman who just died, but somehow it worked. Then I actually remembered the insane laughter, and I started crying. Just sat down in the middle of the hallway and sobbed.

Butler found me about an hour later, curled up in a corner. The shoulders of my shirt were tear-stained from where I'd wiped my eyes, and I'm sure my eyes were red. "Everything sucks, Butler. Why does everything suck?" I whined into his shirt. Confused with the prospect of comforting a crying 14-year-old, he awkwardly patted my back.

"Well, I have some good news."  
I sniffed. "What?"

"Anteros is coming to live here, because she doesn't have any other relatives."

I started crying all over again. Butler was utterly confused now. "What? What's wrong? I thought you liked her!"

"I _do_!"

"Then what's the problem?"

"_She_ doesn't like _me_!"

Utterly lost, Butler just shook his head and sat down on the floor next to me. "Explain."

I sniffled again. "Right before we came to Ireland, we heard Mo— Maria talking to you on the phone. When we Googled Dad, he looked so much like An that we thought…you know. That she was going to get re-adopted. And she didn't say anything, but I could tell she was totally psyched, you know? And then we meet you guys, and Maria says 'Bye Diana' and at first it didn't sink in, and I was like, 'Wait, wrong girl.' And then Minerva comes over an' I look just like her an' everybody's hugging me an' An is just standing off by the side, an' nobody's saying anything to her, an' nobody knew we thought it was her cause Maria tried to keep it a surprise. So An probably hates me cause I'm the one who got her life." I started sobbing harder. "And I don't even _like_ it here! An is the smart one! She should have been the real daughter. And now her mom's dead and she has to come live with me and the family she thought she was gonna get and then didn't."

"Oh," was Butler's only response. "Well, she's probably gotten over it by now. She knows it wasn't your fault, right?"

I nodded. "But that doesn't mean she'll forgive me. She's just going to keep holding her grudge until one day she explodes at me, and then we'll probably have to put me in the witness protection program or something to keep me alive."

Butler shook his head. "Don't worry. I'm sure it will all turn out just fine.


	3. Welcome Home

_Hello, authoress here. I got rid of the original third chapter because it was way to Mary-Sueish of a twist, and it pretty much stopped the story momentum for me. So, I'm replacing it with this one. sigh_

_I'm really, really sorry for the long wait. If you haven't already noticed, I'm really bad with deadlines etc._

_Hey - if anyone is interested in betareading this, please PM me._

* * *

The funeral was a quiet affair - I won't write about it here because I don't want to start crying again. Suffice to say, after it was over Anteros followed us without saying anything. Her face stayed the same throughout the trip back - on the way into the driveway at Fowl Manor I realized it resembled one of the granite statues guarding the gate.

She made a point of ignoring me as Butler unloaded her bags from the back of the Bentley. Butler looked at me and glanced at the one bag left on the ground, then at An. I took the hint and the bag, and followed them up.

Her room was right next to mine. On one hand, I would know where she was most of the time. On the other hand, she could sneak into my room in the middle of the night really easily. I made a mental note to lock my door tonight.

Helping out by bringing up her bag didn't really do much as far as putting me in her good books. She ignored me as thoroughly as she ignored everybody else in the house, except for murmuring a quiet "Thank you" to Artemis before sitting on the windowsill in her room for three hours.

Three Hours Later

"An!" I called up the stairs.

"What?"

"Dinner!"

She reappeared out of her room and descended the stairs gracefully. Now, why can't I ever do that?

Dinner was an interesting affair. Artemis and Minerva asked An the usual questions about school, hobbies, allergies, and grades. I sat next to her, totally ignored and loving it. Butler had cooked some special form of chicken – all I knew was that it was chicken and it was fried. I loved it.

Eventually, Martimas (as I had decided to call them) decided we wanted some alone time to talk to each other about "whatever it is girls talk about these days" (Minerva's words, not mine). And so, they excused themselves and took dessert into the Middle Parlor.

"So…" An started slowly, picking at her food.

I waited for her to finish, knowing anything I said could and would be used against me later.

"…do you like it here?" she finished, not looking up.

I waited again, to see if she was really asking or just making conversation and didn't really want to know.

"It seems very nice," she stated, her eyes wandering around the ornately carved woodwork. I waited again – this was becoming a very one-sided conversation.

This time she didn't say anything. I said, hesitantly, "It is very large," preparing myself for the venomous glare she then threw at me.

"Sweet Diana got a nice large mansion, aren't we all happy." She said, her voice mocking and yet humorless.

"That's not what I said." I told her, trying to keep my voice steady, and very nearly failing.

She ignored me. "Diana, goddess of wisdom! And, what do you know, the daughter of Minerva, and Artemis, both _other_ goddesses of wisdom!" I could practically hear Artemis wincing in the other room.

"And then there's me. God of rejected love. Why, we're just a giant _royal frickin' family_, aren't we? Except, I'm not part of the family, right, Di? I'm the dog that gets offered the bone, then has it snatched away and given to the dog I _thought_ was my friend!"

"None of this is my fault, An."

"No. Of course it's not _your_ fault. Let's see… 'Oh An, you look just like them!' 'Oh An, I'll really miss you when you're gone!'" Her voice became sarcastic, "'Oh An, it's _me_ they want! So sorry, try again next time!'"

"I never said that."

"It's not like that matters, is it? You stay in the background, cheering me on, then stab me in the back and waltz right into what was supposed to be _my _life!"

At this I stood up, knocking my chair over backwards. "God_damnit_, An! Do you think I actually _wanted_ this? Right now I'm the idiotic daughter of two _geniuses_, and no one in school talks to me cause they think I'm a spoiled little brat! I get nagged on about my grades, I can't wear anything that doesn't have a collar or is made of denim, and the only people in this house that actually care what I think are the manservant and two dogs! So just stop your little An pity party, cause it's not going that far with me!"

An stood up too, matching me glare for glare. "You hypocrite! You tell me all about _your_ petty problems, then tell me not to worry about _mine_ cause yours are more important! Isn't that just classic Diana!"

"And what are _your_ problems? You didn't get your dream life? Is that it?"

"My mother just fucking _died_, Diana."

…

Oh, God of the awkward turtles.

I sat down. So did she.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "I—"

"Forgot?" she sneered. "Is that it? You forgot?"

I didn't say anything, just stared at my food. An angrily scrubbed at her eyes, but tears came down anyway. I felt horrible.

"Let me know when I'm wanted, Highness," she told me, using the nickname she made up years ago, for when I was ordering her around or she was mad. "Your servant will be awaiting your command."

Tossing her black hair over her shoulder, she left the room with her head held high. As soon as the door closed behind her I could hear her footsteps running up the stairs, and the sound of a slamming door.

Butler came in holding a tray of desserts. I was the only one left at the table. He looked around, looked at me, put two pieces of cake on the table, then brought the tray out to Artemis and Minerva.

I looked at the cake, sighed, and started the long journey to An's room. It seemed like I had to do a lot to get back in her good books. Of course, the fact that I kept offending her probably figured into that as well...


	4. Back to School Again

In the end I just put the cake outside her door and then went to bed. When I woke up the next morning the cake was still there, and the bits of dust I had put on my door hadn't moved, so I was reassured that she hadn't somehow tampered with my room while I slept.

After wondering what Minerva would do if I simply cut one of the collars off a shirt, I closed my eyes and grabbed one. It was a dark green.

Ew.

Black slacks were the closest thing to jeans that Minerva had let me keep. So after attiring myself and managing to successfully descend the stairs, albeit ungracefully, I made it into the kitchen, where my bag sat ready and waiting on a chair.

Ew.

It was a Monday. I hate Mondays.

Then An walked down the stairs.

Aw, crap!

Guess what? I got to take her to school.

And so began my torment.

Butler drove us to school in the Bentley. As usual, I hid my face out of embarrassment. An exited gracefully. I had to escort her around the school to all my classes, where she sat next to me. What had to be the most embarrassing was that she knew everything the teacher's were talking about, and several of them asked me afterward if she was staying.

When Butler drove us home, I was very ready to sit in my room and listen to music. And do homework, of course, what are you talking about?

But, of course, Martemis had to know how our day went.

"Fine," I told them, sulking at the bottom of the stairs.

"It was very interesting," An responded gracefully. Geez, everything about that girl.

Does she think she understands how to get to her classes?

"I think I'll need just one more day, to verify my route."

Did she learn anything new today?

"Not really. I suppose, since it's the end of the year, that no one is going through anything new, but most of it was things I had learned back in the United States."

Then we were excused.

If anything, the next day was worse. An managed to find a quicker route to a class that I had been late to every day, and managed to get an A on a pop quiz the teacher said she didn't have to take.

Correction : I don't just hate Mondays. I hate school with An.


	5. Death By Dream

_This one was inspired by darkone, a reader on AFC. She said she was annoyed about how the girls were treating each other. I asked her for a solution. She decided that I should give them each one of the following : a sig sauer, a feather pillow, explosives, a vampire, a guitar, a secret lair, a wand, an enchanted sword, a machete, or a neutrino 1000. I decided to just split them up (minus the guitar) and let them at it. And thus came Di's dream._

I dreamed I was walking through the mansion with a gun in my hands. I entered Artemis's study, Butler's Sig Sauer held loosely. "Do you know where An is?" I asked him nicely. He replied that he did not, so I shrugged and started down the hall. Then An came in, holding a wand. "Do you know where Di is?" she asked nicely. He pointed me out to her.

An left the room and joined me in the hall. I smiled and blasted the Sig Sauer at An, giggling. She laughed too, and blocked it with a feather pillow. Feathers scattered everywhere. An then sent a blast of black magic at the weapon in my hands from her wand, melting the metal. I ran down the hallway and out of the house, with An hot on my heels with the wand. I ducked into a hole behind some bushes, where I pulled out a neutrino 1000 and a set of explosives, the latter of which I began chucking at An. One of them hit her, setting the wand on fire but not harming An. She dropped the wand, and pulled a sword out of her belt.

An charged me, screaming out a war cry. I responded by aiming blasts from the gun at An, but the barrel was soon sliced off by her sword. I jumped into my hole in the ground and slithered down to the large cave underneath it. An followed, but in the time it took her to get down I grabbed a machete hanging on the wall. We parried blows for a while before I managed to flipped the sword out of An's hand. About to finish the fight, I stabbed at my sister when suddenly there was a flash of purple smoke, and An became a vampire. I made a few feeble passes at my sister, but none of them had any effect on her. An backed me into a corner, and my machete fell from numb fingers. A feral grin spread across my sister's face.

"Thank you for taking me in," An told me kindly. Then she leaned in and bit my throat.

I sat up in bed, sweating and wild eyed. Glancing nervously around my room, I sank slowly back down, and pulled the covers up over my eyes. "Holy crap, that was one weird dream," I said to myself before falling back asleep.


End file.
